You told me not to put my life on hold for you
Just because you say it doesn't make it so.
I'm trying.
I still find myself in obsessive states. Constantly. checking my phone, my messages, my notifications, scanning the screen for the tiniest sign of life from you.
I'm trying.
I'm failing.
I don't want this.
I don't want to lose myself.
Not in you, not in this, not in my head.
Have I lost my head?
It feels so light and still so heavy, it doesn't feel like mine.
What has happened?
Where am I, what am I, who am I?
Suddenly, I am nothing if not in correlation with you.
I don't want this.
I have lost myself before and it took me years to find myself again.
I don't want this.
I do want you.
But at what price? For a chance?
Cause it's only a chance and never a promise.
I don't want this.
I'm failing.
