I don't have to be enough.
All my adult life relationships were tainted by that thought, that desire, that need "to be enough".
I felt miserable not being "the girlfriend". If I were enough, good enough, fulfilling enough, pretty enough, then why wouldn't you "claim me" as yours for the world to see, give me that status?
It all comes down to old wounds.
Always being criticized, feeling not loved for who you are, being despised by people, hated. Worst, encountering total indifference.
If i were good enough, maybe you would like me. love me, never leave me.
I realize now, no one person can ever be enough.
you can never fill all the needs I have, every single thing I crave has so many colours, sides and crevices to crawl into. How could I ever expect to be enough for you?
When thought you were the one, finally, that matched perfectly, I ended up deceiving myself, because that is what society has taught us.
We need to be perfect, so perfect or we are not worthy of love.
We need to be perfect and fulfilling and giving and never ask but be enough, enough, enough.
You can never be enough and neither can I.
How do I let go of that? That need that drove me for so long. That desire, that yearning to be called "perfect for you", when that is all I've ever known.
