You told me multiple times I shouldn't put my life on hold for you.
That you're not worth pressing pause.
You spoke for yourself. You said it to spare my feelings. Did you intend it as a warning?
Because you don't want to press pause. Not for me.
I start to wonder about all those times you told me I was special.
Did you mean it or was it just what I needed to hear?
You didn't intend for me to end up like this, you couldn't know. You wouldn't.
But I should have.
I should have known. That I would end up unimportant, redundant, not enough.
It used to be so different. For weeks, for months. For days, for nights.
All those nights.
All those nights when the walls were down, the veil was lifted, you let me touch your heart.
Now you are so far away, it feels like there are galaxies keeping us apart. But 'star crossed' is a description only fit for me.
Should I try to fight and fail or should I give up, admit defeat and start to heal?
If we don't stop now, the end could easily destroy me. Better safe than sorry?
I feel like I'm in this lake, the water is pitch black. I am not afraid of it but I can feel myself sinking deeper and deeper. I am grappling for something to hold on to, I don't want to drown.
I used to be able to hold on to you but your hands are nowhere to be seen. Why have you left me?
You gave me no warning.
Or did you?
I should have known.
You dont want to put your life on hold. Not for me.
