lost connection

Why is it that I feel lost in myself?

How can I lose my grip this easy, lose track of who I was supposed to be?

I didn't even see it happen, but oh so suddenly I do not feel at home in myself, by myself, anymore.
I used to be able to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. Sure, sometimes they would seem overwhelming but I could always keep myself from tailspinning.

So I end up lying in my bed looking at pictures but I do not recognize myself. Who I am or who I am supposed to be are as far from each other as ice is from fog.
And when I listen to songs that sound so sad, so heartbreaking, the person I am mourning seems to be myself.

Who I was without, before or after, maybe I can be her again? Do I even want to?
I don't remember.

I don't know if this makes me a more pathetic or better version of myself. Will I ever?
Who am I now? Who am I after I lost all connection?

Who am I supposed to be if I am not in correlation to other people? Is this co-dependancy?
Shoulnd't I only be dependant on myself?
Do I even want that? Am I reliable?

I don't remember.